Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Tit For Tat
Sunday, 1 Promise 2006

My dKos implant has been activated, and it compels me to break the silence I have so loyally adhered to since the whole KosGate scandal erupted. My unquestioning obediance to the vast left wing conspiracy has generated the following words for your infotainment, O My Brothers:

Respect Where Respect Is Due
by Tom Gevaert
Loosely based on insane ramblings in The NY Times by David Brooks

They say that the Repugnican't spin is just starting up for the fall elections and politics has become the realm of the small-minded. But in the land of the Reich Wing, the Illegally Installed Drunken Cokeheaded Usurper must be accorded full respect.

The Illegally Installed Drunken Cokeheaded Usurper, a k a Gee What A Dumba$$ Putsch, sits in the WhiteWash House, fires up his Republibots at CNN, Faux Snooze, and the New York Times (hi McBobo!), and commands his followers, who come across like squadrons of rabid theofascists, to unleash their venom on those who dare to point out that the Chimperor has no clothes. And in this way the Usurper has made himself a mighty force in his own mind, and every knee shall bow.

The Usurper's first enemy was the right to an open governmental process, where energy task force meetings would not be populated with corpo-weasels from the energy industry, and where, even if they were, that knowledge would be available to the public. So he declared by Imperial Fiat that no one would know who or what went on in those meetings, and it pleased him to see freedom being constrained in this manner in the land of the brave. When the Putsch administration appointed the supremely unqualified, and extremely partisan Karl Rove and Karen Hughes as taxpayer paid administration insiders accountable to no one, this was an appropriate sign of disrespect, and the Usurper did lay his hand of pResidential approval upon the Rovian smear campaign (whilst hiding his connections to it).

When OhMyGodWhatADick Cheney, the pResident of the Senate, told an elected Senator to go Cheney himself on the floor of the Senate when he first became its' pResident, this was also a sign of respect. The Usurper had instructed his Repugnican't minions to support any and all smears of Democratic Party members. And the Usurper pretended he could not hear the smears of his minions, and mindless hacks like McBobo bought it hook, line, and sinker, and disseminated it throughout the land.

The Usurper often directs his wrath at Repugnican'ts who have not bought into his neocon fantasies. But the gay hooker JD Guckert has also swallowed whatever the pResident shoots his way, and the Usurper has graciously exempted Guckert from the need to be a credentialed member of the press. Guckert is frequently utilized By the Repugnican'ts as something akin to a porn fluffer.

And so it is in the realm of the Usurper. Those who blindly follow the edicts of the Chimperor get respected.

But lo, there are doubters. Joe Wilson, a US diplomat, whose wife was treasonously outed as a CIA operative while a non-official covert operative, wrote a column in the New York Times pointing out the inconsistency between the utterances of the Chimperor and reality. He further refused to cave in to administrative pressure, and stuck to his story.

The Illegally Installed Drunken Cokeheaded Deserter was displeased by this publicity.

But the Usurper hid his mighty wrath from public view (although reportedly he took it out on those who supported him the most), and his minion Rove responded with the sleaziness for which he is so well known. In a private letter to hundreds of his fellow conservative kool-aid drinkers, Rove declared (on behalf of the Usurper) he would "go on the offensive" in a "couple of months," but in the meantime, a code of omertà was in order. "It would make my life easier if we can confine the story," he wrote. "If any of us respond to the Democratic allegations right now, we fuel the story. Let's starve it of oxygen. Besides, I have a doozy of an operation slated to begin this September. They won't buy the bs then if we start to peddle it now."

But alas! There were still those of integrity within the bureaucracy, who attempted to prevent the Usurper's Kristallnacht, and tried to inform the public of what the Usurper had in store for america.

The Usurper waxed Cheneyesque on the evils of leaking, and this time the squeaking fury of the Dunsel In Chief could be heard (to those capable of discerning bedwetting cowards) far and wide. The Usurper excommunicated those who dared to dissent from the administration. "you are either with us or with the terrorists" he said with a straight face during remarks to the US Congress.

"We ask every nation to join us. We will ask, and we will need, the help of police forces, intelligence services, and banking systems around the world." the Usurper charged. And so a pair of Asian nations was expunged from the global community of the righteous, and its people cast into the shadow of oblivion.

The Usurper does not notice that his people are angered with his arrogance (unless his advisors disrupt his blissful ignorance). Sounding like Tom DeLay — who is his loyal lieutenant — Putsch says that those who dare to criticize his Imperial pResidency and take on the establishment are bound to be persecuted to the full extant that the administration is capable of.

But the truth is that the new boss is little different from the old boss — only smaller. Dennis Hastert and Bill Frist and many other Repugnican'ts bow and scrape to this Clueless Blunder. He has managed to spread the gospel of smear and deflect far and wide, which is not really about ideas and philosophy. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier...just as long as I'm the dictator" he has said.

And so the Usurper has his relationships and his understandings and his networks and his compromises. In just a few short years he has achieved a level of self-importance it took those in the pre-junta political class decades to acquire. And all it has cost mankind is the soul of its' greatest nation.

He has challenged his enemy and become it.

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